"There are dreamers and there are realists in this world.you'd think the dreamers would find the dreamers, and the realist would find the realists; but more often than not, the opposite is true.you see the dreamers need the realists to keep them from soaring too close to the sun, and the realists… well without the dreamers, they might not ever get off the ground" ~ Modern Family
This is what happens when 2 dumb prof’s who don’t even know a single “bit” of Networking come to evaluate a project on routing protocols.
[Enter Panelist 1 – Dumb, Panelist2 – Dumber]
Me: Good morning sir, I would like to start by first giving a brief recap of what we showed in our 1st presentation. We started off with…
Dumb: Aap mat bataiye, let him <3rd slotter> speak.
Me : [silent]
[blah blah blah]
Dumber: [towards me] aap to kuch bata hi nahi rahe hain.
Me: Sir, actually we described the mobility model as…
Dumb : Bola na aap chup rahiye, let the other guy speak.
Me: [Silent again]
Dumber: [again towards me after a while] Aap kuch padh k nahi aaye hain lagta hai.
Me: Sir, as I was telling before, we described the scenario in the last presentation, we now move forward t-…
Dumb: Ab agar aap next time bole to aapke number cut kar lenge.
Me: [yet again silent and pissed off]
Dumber: Aap to explain hi nahi kar paa rahe hain. You just have copied it from somewhere. You haven’t even done the analysis. Kya dikhane laye ho?
Me: [frustrated] CAN I SPEAK NOW PLEASE?? Sir, we have done the analysis and also all the simulations. The real presentation is not even started as we are still on the first slide.
[finally moving on to the real stuff]
Me: [using some basic networking terms] Sir the first thing we find out is the logic efficiency for both proactive and reactive protocols….. [a bunch of equations on the slide]
Dumb and Dumber : [blank]
Me: Actually there is a data phase and an exception phase…
Dumb: You just copied equations from somewhere. You are not able to explain what those terms are.
Me: Sir, that is what i am explaining, [with aid of a really cool diagram I might add] The exception phase is… <blah blah blah>
Dumber: I am not able to get what you are saying.
Dumb : You just made the slides so casually. [Because at one place I wrote Ta and at another place I wrote Ta , you see the “a” was different. THAT IS THE REASON they said why they couldn’t understand :-| ]
[as a desperate measure I took a sketch pen and a blank paper and in a frenzy started making blocks and diagrams to pictorially make them understand… I resorted to hindi for a better communication]
Me: [after a lot of drawing] so, this is what I mean by exception phase in a reactive protocol. [I turn towards them]
Dumb: Hume kuch samajh nahi aaya. What is this reactive protocol.
Me : [Something an electronics prof. like you should have learnt in nursery]… [going back to the basics] A reactive protocol is <blah blah blah>
Dumber : accha leave all this, batao protocol kya hota hai? Batao routing kya hoti hai? Batao Network kya hota hai?
Me: [seriously mahn, are they for real?] ohk, a protocol is a set of rules and regulations….
Dumber: accha just skip all this. Kuch output laye ho.
Me: Yes sir. [I started moving forward 8-10 slides, seeing days of hardwork go to waste] These are the simulation graphs we obtained using qualnet.
Dumber: Bas graph bana lie ho, ye to ban hi jata hai.
[don’t know what they expected from an output, a pin-up of salma hayek and beyonce??? Or a love ballad by Sonu Nigam?]
Me: Our results match perfectly with our mathematical framework.
Dumb: Hum kaise maan le. You were unable to explain.
Me: [agitated now] Sir, I explained everything. I can still explain if you want. Most of it we already told you in the first presentation.
Dumb: You should have explained clearly each and every term starting from basics.
[Sly, these guys want a crash course in networking from me for free. Well that cannot be done in 10 mins.]
[Dumber saw his watch. Both of them started going back]
Dumb: Itna casually mat liya kariye presentation. Aap kuch padh ke nahi aaye. Bas equations copy kar li hai. You don’t know the meaning of the terms [what?? Me or you??]
Dumber: Next time aap log kuch output laa kar dikhayie. [both of them left]
[I came out of the lab, bearing a pale poker face, not knowing how to comprehend what just happened]
P.S – apologies to the el-classico members (amal, paonta and sethi) because i ditched you guys to work on the project.